Question Three

Hey there blog world it's been a while. Another great question has been submitted:

"Okay, here's something I was thinking about today while having a stressful day at work.
You know how we are supposed to bring the spirit of Christmas with us throughout the year... Well, in the spirit of giving, how much are we to give of ourselves? Are we to be like The Giving Tree and give until we have given all of ourselves? When should we say "enough"? When is the time to say "no" to our bosses, friends, and family? If we continuously give and give, we eventually be worn thin. Of course I think there should be a balance, and it is important that we continuously give, but I am simply curious as to your opinion/thoughts. What say you Miss P?


If you give a mouse a cookie..."


***I should warn y'all, this topic is a HUGE petpeeve of mine!! I have a feeling this blog will turn out to be a lengthy one.***


If you give a mouse a cookie... he'll eat that cookie and proceed to eat you out of house and home, just as fast as his little jaws can chew and as a little bonus, leave his droppings for you to clean up.


I put a lot of stock into that golden rule; do onto others and all that jazz. However, generosity has its limits. Being kind, understanding, and generous to others is extremely noble and important. Without the selfless donation of time, effort, and donations people give to worthy charities, foundations, and peers the world would be a wretched place to live. The key word there is WORTHY. There are an alarmingly abundant amount of people out there who will take advantage of a giving person. The hardest part of giving is realizing when enough is enough. A healthy Relationship and life in general requires give AND take.


I whole heartedly agree, constant giving of one's self wears a person out and gets old. I can say from firsthand experience, if a person is taking advantage of you (be it consciously or unconsciously) the only way it is going to end or change is if you speak up and put your foot down.


You may find it hard to believe but I have a hard time with confrontation. I know, shocking! When I have a problem I bottle it up or just make the situation into a joke. Well, I was raised by an amazing mother who is the closest to a saint I've ever met. She taught me to be thankful for my many blessings and give back to those less fortunate. We would cook for the homeless men's shelter, help with meals-on-wheels, collect school supplies for underprivileged schools, and many other countless volunteer activities. Not to mention, the friends, family, and strangers she constantly helps. So, to make a long story short, I learned to do and give what I could to whom I could and I absolutely love it!


For the most part, helping others with my money, advice, and time is extremely rewarding in itself. There is absolutely nothing in the world that makes you feel more satisfied than seeing the smile of thanks on someone who truly and genuinely needed and deserved your help. However, there are those who abuse the kind hearts of the generous. Inevitably, I have run into quite a few. As I mentioned earlier, I don't do confrontation well. In my younger, less wise years, I ended up just walking away from a few people I considered close friends. For years these people constantly used me for anything they could get: money, food, rides, homework, tutoring...you get the point. I decided enough was enough but I just didn't know how to handle the frustration, anger, and hurt. At first, I didn't do anything then I just quit answering the phone, I blocked them on my IM (yes, wayyy back then IM was still the cool way to communicate), and avoided them like the plague.


The next time my new so called friends began to do this I got smarter and a tiny bit braver. I wrote them a strongly worded and emotional note. They just laughed, passed the note around for others to laugh at, and found someone else to take advantage of. Thankfully, now I know how to pick quality friends and acquaintances, for the most part. I can see the signs and steer clear of users.


Now if family happens to fall into the user category, you can do one of two things: try to have a mature adult conversation with that person, discussing your feelings and using legitimate examples of their misconduct OR limit contact to holidays, funerals, and weddings.


If your boss is a user simply, do what is outlined in your job description. If he/she persists with asking you to do outrageous tasks, say with a sweet smile on your face, "Oh, I'm really swamped with __x___, __y___, and __z___ maybe you could ask John or if you would prefer I did this, maybe you could ask John to do x and y".


To recap: Be generous! Have an open heart but remember to use your head! Don't let yourself be taken advantage of. Also, let's not forget to be kind to ourselves as well. Treat yourself to a something nice every once in a while. I don't know about y'all, but I'm exhausted. Goodday!
~Amanda P aka Dr. Phyllis